


Beyond the Lake

by orphan_account



Series: The Lake [3]
Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Angst, M/M, Unrequited Love, Vaguely Referenced Suicide Attempt, i cant let them be happy can i
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-04
Updated: 2017-05-03
Packaged: 2018-10-27 21:31:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10817145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Xander disappears one day, and Takumi doesn't know why. Until, that is, he shows up one day on the side of the road...





	Beyond the Lake

**Author's Note:**

> a trainwreck of tragedy two months in the making! after i wrote the first two fics, i kept thinking, "how can I make this worse?" And so i did.

The lake was silent, and still, as it always had been from the moment Takumi had discovered it. Something had changed, though, believe him, it had changed. After all, Xander hadn’t shown himself for weeks, ever since their first true meeting.

Two weeks and four days, to be exact. Really, it was the only number he bothered to keep track of, each hour that passed without sight nor sound of the creature digging a dagger deeper into his heart. It was his fault, somehow. It always was.

Takumi had tried everything to get his attention. He resumed his previous gift-offering, tossing in flowers, jewelry, anything he could get his hands on, and none of it was returned. At one point, he had even thrown in himself. Nobody pulled him out. 

He pulled his coat tighter around his shoulders, shivering only slightly at the night breeze. He could accept it; Xander was simply tired of him. There was nothing left for him here. He barely felt himself stand and leave, drifting back home in a daze. Sleep. Yes, sleep was what he needed. Maybe he wouldn’t wake up.

Before he could notice, he was standing in front of his house, sliding open the door and shuffling in. Normally, the lights would be off, the house quiet as everyone slept, but tonight a dim light could be seen glowing in the kitchen. Having noticed his entrance, his little sister, Sakura, appeared to greet him.

“Takumi?” she said, looking relieved. “You’re back!”

“Sakura?” he questioned. “What are you doing up this early?”

“Is it already morning?” she asked, grimacing. “I’ve been awake for hours… Ryouma found a traveler passed out on the side of the road, and we’ve all been up trying to help.”

“What? A traveler?” Nothing about this wasn’t strange. Travellers never came here. Crime was practically nonexistent. “Do you know what happened?”

“He wasn’t injured,” Sakura said. “We can ask him when he wakes up.”

“Where is he?” Takumi asked.

“Upstairs,” Sakura answered. “You should really get some rest, brother. You haven’t slept well and you haven’t been eating much-”

It was a crime to brush her off the way he did, but honestly, Takumi couldn’t bring himself to care. Ignoring the tired aches in his body, he dragged himself up the stairs and followed the lantern light to their guest’s room. The door, open, called to him, in a way he couldn’t explain.

“He looks like he’s from really far away,” Sakura said, trailing behind him. “I can’t imagine where, though.”

Takumi’s breath caught in his throat, heart stopping, thoughts freezing. Something rose in his chest, confusion, fear, excitement, maybe a mix of all, he could feel it leak from his eyes. Even dizzy and dazed, he could recognize the face of his savior anywhere. It was Xander, missing fins and scales, but it was Xander, he was sure.

“Takumi?” Sakura said. “Takumi!” She rushed over, frantically shaking him. When had he collapsed? Shakily, he pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes, trying to distract from the sharp pain in his head. “Ryouma! Hinoka! Come quick!”

* * *

He was woken by a sharp cough, painful in every part of his body and perfectly complimenting his deep headache. Grimacing, he managed to roll onto his side, where he would hopefully be more comfortable. A hand lowered onto his head, giving him a careful caress.

“Takumi, are you alright?’ Hinoka asked, feeling his face for fever. “You passed out.”

“‘M fine,” he answered out of habit. He could feel his sister’s irritated glare even without opening his eyes.

“Takumi,” she said, voice turning stern. “You know you’re not fine. You’re really hurting yourself.”

Takumi didn’t respond.

“I hate to do this, but if you can’t be trusted to take care of yourself, we’ll just have to make sure you do.” Takumi’s eyes finally opened in a sharp panic, wide awake. “Takumi, you’re not leaving this room until you’re better.”

“W-what?” he said. “Why?”

“You  _ know  _ why,” she said. “Skipping meals, disappearing to god-knows-where - I haven’t seen you in  _ days _ , Takumi! And now this happens!” 

Takumi recoiled in shame. He really hadn’t been thinking of them at all, had he? Great, another point on the list. Hinoka sighed in exasperation.

“Just- go back to sleep. I need to go help Ryouma.” She stood, giving him one last concerned glance. “This is for your own good, you know that.”

The door clicked shut. Takumi lay there, stiff, unsure how to feel. He wanted to scream, almost, but couldn’t find the energy. He wanted to run out of the room to Xander, to squeeze him into a hug and ask him  _ why, how,  _ but he was stuck here, and it was better this way. It would have to be. 

Xander would still be here, he hoped. The thought would keep him going.

* * *

It took about a week to get Takumi to an acceptable level of health. Although he was hardly well, he was certainly better than he’d been that day, and he had gotten restless enough that his family couldn’t keep him confined to his room. He wasn’t allowed to leave the house, but he found he didn’t have a reason to anymore.

Xander was still staying with them. Ryouma, feeling some sense of responsibility for the man he’d found at the side of the road, refused to throw him out on the streets when they were more than willing to house him here. Xander hardly had a choice but to accept.

Despite that, Takumi hadn’t seen him in anything but passing. He was always out with Ryouma somewhere, being shown around or something or other, and Takumi couldn’t find a moment of alone time when he was home. The tension had been grating at him for days; until, one moment, when Takumi was absentmindedly hunting for a snack, and Xander had been boredly sitting at the kitchen table.

“Ah, so you do exist!” Xander teased. Takumi felt himself freeze over, and he couldn’t respond. Xander awkwardly smiled when he didn’t laugh. “Ryouma talks about you a lot, but I’ve never seen you before, so...”

“Y-yeah,” he said, breathless. There was so much he had thought about saying, and yet, he could say none of it. Instead, he stared at Xander longingly.

“Are… you okay?” he said, hesitant and slightly uncomfortable.

“I’m fine,” Takumi said. “Xander… what are you doing here?” He blinked in confusion.

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“I mean, this-” Takumi gestured to Xander. “Why did you…?”  _ Are you here for me? _ He wanted to ask.

“I don’t understand what you’re saying,” Xander said. “I just woke up here one day... I suppose I was attacked. I don’t remember anything else.” Takumi felt his heart sink.

“You mean, you-?” Of course.  _ Of course. _ He’d get everything he’d ever wanted, but of course there was a catch. “I need to go.” Ignoring Xander’s confused call behind him, he fled to his room, sinking down against his doorframe. Xander didn’t remember him.

He wanted to cry. It was frustrating. So, so frustrating. But he couldn’t give up; memory or no, he still loved Xander. A simple roadblock like this was nothing. He’d pull himself together, find Xander, and explain everything. Easy, right?

It should’ve been easy.

He had gone through a lot of flowers when he was first trying to contact Xander, but he couldn’t recall ever finding a favorite of his. So, he went for the most accessible, the daffodils that grew near the house, where his family wouldn’t notice him sneaking off to. Blankly, he registered doing the exact same thing on his first trip back to lake after his rescue. It was like starting all over from the beginning, he supposed.

Threadbare bouquet in hand, Takumi crept over to Xander’s room that night, hoping to have his planned conversation with him. It was nerve-wracking enough, the thought of trying to convince him of such an insane story, but nothing matched the terror he felt when he first heard Ryouma’s voice sounding from behind the door.

“I’m glad to hear you’re well,” his brother said. “I’d like to add, you are still welcome to stay for as long as you’d like. We will always have room for you here.” 

After the initial shock of almost being caught, Takumi had calmed down, pressed himself against the wall, and began to wait. Ryouma hadn’t caught on to anything. He was just visiting Xander to check up on him (like he had been doing every five minutes, recently) and would leave soon, then Takumi could talk to Xander. No need to panic.

“You have been unbelievably generous, Ryouma. Thank you,” Xander said. “I’m not certain anyone else in your situation would’ve been so kind. I’m lucky to have met you.” Takumi could feel his brother take a deep, calming breath, and he was suddenly overcome with a strange sense of dread.

“No, it is just the opposite, I think… I’m the one who’s lucky,” he said. “I’m… not sure how to say this, but-”

“Ryouma, are you alright? Your face-”

“I’ve never felt this way with anyone before. I believe I’m in love with you, Xander.”

Silence.

“Ryouma, I...”

It was over. Everything.

“I think… I might feel the same.”

Takumi was deep in the woods by the time he registered that he had ran, ran far away from his family, Ryouma, Xander, from everything. He hurt the same way he had that fateful day, head aching, eyes burning, in that strange way they stung when you had no more tears to cry. And as he had that fateful day, he found himself right back where he had started, on the dock, staring into the still waters like a mirror of his mistakes.

Despite everything, it seemed he would never have the heart to go through with it.

But he was so exhausted now, so tired and without hope of rest, that he didn’t bother leaving. He didn’t want to go back, where he’d see Xander’s face and have his heart ripped open again. So he sat there, as he had all those nights waiting for him, waiting for… something else now, he supposed. He wasn’t expecting anything.

And yet, the misty hand crept onto his shoulder anyway, its being’s face rising from behind his reflection like the moon peeking out from over the dark clouds in the sky.


End file.
